She didn't tolerate this round of chemo well. She's super tired and feels nauseous. Plus her nerve pain is back in full force.

Damn, how can we help her???? I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hope the meds will work.

Mom never complains as she's been living with pain for years. So when I called today and asked her where her pain level was, she said 9. Now her "9" is like a 20 for normal folks like us. She tolerates pain in silence.

I paged Dr. Marcoux and he recommended prescribing oxycodone. I have reservations about that but at this point I'll try anything. I just hope she doesn't have an allergic reaction to it and hopefully it'll alleviate the pain.

I am worried about how this new round of chemo will affect her nerve pain. It cannot help. And all weekend I kept thinking she's going to give up. And that it's not worth all of this pain. Honestly I don't blame her. So I need to do everything I can to make her feel like life is worth living for. And I need to get my dad and Norm on board as well.

How does Dr. Marcoux do this? Day in and day out? It can't be easy, telling someone the tumor grew back to almost its original size. Not quite but close. In 3 months! How is that possible? Mom has been gaining weight and maybe her pain has increased since her last treatment. And maybe she's been coughing again in the last couple of days but.....have we been in denial and naive in thinking the cancer is gone?

So the options are the traditional chemo treatment - this time "irinotecan" to be administer once a week for 3 weeks. take a week off and then start the process all over again. Or a clinical trial where the chemo is in a pill form to be taken once a day. Mom opted for the traditional chemo as she isn't that comfortable trying the clinical trial.

I watched my mom's face when the Dr. delivered the news and for a mini-second I thought I saw a crack in her usual stoic face. Disappointment and sadness all rolled up in one look but she quickly put on a brave face. For me and my dad. My heart dropped and I can feel the tears coming. But I held back cos I can't make my mom feel bad. I also couldn't face my dad as I can only imagine what he's feeling. This fucking sucks!!

Dr. Marcoux said she needs to start chemo right away as he is worried the tumor may be the cause for her coughing and may interfere with her breathing again. So we scheduled it for next Tuesday.

This is mom and dad while I was scheduling her chemo treatments. I'm sorry but this picture paints the mood we were all in after hearing the news.

Sorry,  I haven't posted lately. We're looking into getting visas for China and pricing flights to HK. Hopefully mom's CT scan will come back clean so we can go!

Anyways, it's usual fare at Por's. Takeout from Chinatown and pig's feet and lobster cooked by Dad. It was a smaller crowd this year - Norm, Eric, Jessica, John and Cory - we missed you!

One of the things I love about these family get-togethers are the stories told. Dad and Uncle Rob reminisced about their life in China. We were able to cature some of those stories on video, how an assasin saved my uncle's life (oxymoron??) while my grandmother was imprisoned. And the types of foods they ate - dogs, water bugs, etc. I could go on and on but that's for another blog. This is about Becky. So here's a picture of mom and me!

Had a bbq rib throwdown with Rob last night. And even though he cheated, I won! Yippee. Thanks to his friend Craig's 2 kids who voted for me. And of course, my very best friend Helen! I can't count on my other friend Fred who voted for the enemy.

Anyways, I would've invited my parents but bbq ribs aren't their thing. I'll have to think of something my parents like to eat and challenge Rob to it....hmmmmm.