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Got a huge pit in my stomach

8/29/2015

So I was ok until my friend asked how I was feeling coming up on the anniversary. Fine, I responded. But am I really? I went to visit her at the cemetery today and I got this huge pit in my stomach. Trying not to re-live that time when she was admitted to the hospital. But sadly, getting flashbacks and I imagine that will never go away especially during this time.

I'm alright and will no doubt get over it. So for all of you reading this, please don't worry - I have a lot to be thankful for and will not take anything for granted. It'll be a tough couple of days...but it's fine....

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Back from Cancun!

8/27/2015

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I had an amazing time in Cancun with friends - got back late last night. It was so relaxing and chill. But maybe because I drank a lot! My friends and I spent almost a whole day by the pool drinking mojitos! I haven't drank like that in 35 years! I seriously lost count of the number of drinks I had and anyone who knows me knows how unlikely that is. I usually am buzzed by 1/2 a drink. And maybe because it was free that the drinks were more watered down? Whatever the case, I had the best time acting silly and letting loose. Maybe I'm turning over a new leaf? What more can you ask for - being surrounded by close friends, sunny weather, nice resort, all-you-eat and drink and hanging out at the pool? Love it!

Next up, I'm heading to Florida for some retail therapy and more beach time. People at work are incredulous that I'm heading out once again. But who cares.....there's so much stress at work so this is my reward.

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Is this the sign I've been waiting for?

8/15/2015

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I was driving home in the pouring rain from my Uncle Rob's house. They invited me to a family dinner because Mona's sister and her husband were visiting from Vegas. It was a small group of close friends and immediate family. I was glad to be part of it cos I love Rob's home-cooked meals!

After dinner, I was feeling odd and decided not to stick around. Just wanted to go home?? I was listening to some new songs I recently downloaded and all of a sudden - "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" came on! WTF??? Where did that come from? Then I remember I downloaded it a few years back to play on this blog since it was one of my Mom's favorite song. But I haven't heard it since.....after the initial shock of hearing the first notes, I started crying. How apropos, since the sky was crying alongside of me too, Corny....

Is this the sign I've been hoping and waiting for? Is she trying to tell me something? Am I making the right decisions? When should I expect another sign? Is she looking out for me?

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Taking risks?

8/11/2015

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Yesterday I decided not to wear my seat belt driving to work and then driving home. It was so freeing! Not sure why I decided to do that? Remember, I'm from the generation when seat belts were not required. Don't worry, it's not going to be a common occurrence.

Don't want to read too much into it but maybe I need to start taking more risks in life? And not let being 50 deter me from thinking or doing things outside the box? It's much easier to take the safe and familiar path. But what do I have to lose?

I sense that my Mom is sending things/people my way to test my judgement. The last 4 years have been so difficult and have definitely changed me forever. But it's really up to me and how I'm going to let it define my life. Despite all of the hardships and crap my Mom went through, she still smiled and never went down the negative path. So yes, she is gone but she can still inspire me.

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Good friends are hard to come by

8/3/2015

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Spent the whole weekend with friends I've known for years - from 40+ years to 15 years to 10 and then newly met :)
But it's really the old friends that matter. They've been with me through everything - good, bad and rock bottom. And amazingly, they're still there!

It's alot of work to stay in touch but in the long run, the friendships are totally worth it. Just an extension of your family but you can choose who to keep around.

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Got a huge pit in my stomach

Back from Cancun!

Is this the sign I've been waiting for?

Taking risks?

Good friends are hard to come by

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