I haven't been been able to bring myself to blog after the last post. I've been busy with work as well as spending almost every night having dinner with Dad. And making sure he's ok. There are days when he seems to be fine but then anything can trigger his memories of Mom and he gets sad. But that also happens to me so I understand. I think because Mom was such a huge part of our lives especially when she got sick. Now there's a huge void in our hearts and lives.

But what gets me through this is the thought that she would not want us to be sad and would want us to be happy. But it's a catch-22, how can we be happy without her? Hmmmm, it's definitely a dilemna. Any thoughts out there?? Anyone still reading this??

Dear Mom,
Your wake and funeral were attended by lots of friends and family. There were over 100 flower arrangements paying tribute to you. And you looked so beautiful and peaceful.

Dad, Norman and I did ok, right? We know that you wouldn't want us to be sad. I think we were ok because of all of the love and support we felt from everyone who expressed their feelings and sorrow about your passing. You affected alot of people in different ways. But you already knew that. You were always confident of your relationships with others.

Mom, I hope you're ok with the eulogy. Sorry, I know you wouldn't have wanted me to make a big deal. But people need to know what kind of mother you were. I hope I can continue your legacy. I already have the no-holding-back, straight-talking, opinionated characteristic from you. I just need to figure out how to get your confidence and self-esteem! I promise to work on that.

I miss you so much.... I didn't do as well on the day of the funeral. Norman and I agreed it was probably the finality of it. So I'm sorry. I couldn't help it and lost it a few times. Just the thought that I will never see you again and to never hear your voice...reprimanding me, telling me to take care of myself, always worried about me despite the fact that you're the one who's battling cancer.

But I'll be ok, I promise I will take care of Dad and Norman. Even though they don't need taking care of. We love you, Mom....

Email sent from Susie Harborth:

Brenda,

This poem came to me as I was thinking about you and your mom: 

it is so hard to say good bye
and there are times when you must cry
but if you hold your head up high
you will see her in the sky
 
memories will replace sorrow
as there is a better day tomorrow
when all is said and done
may you remember her life 
filled with joy.... and fun. 

With love from the Harborth family.

Wake - Friday 9/7/12
5pm - 9pm
Boston Harborside Home of JS Waterman & Son-Waring-Langone
580 Commercial St
Boston, MA
 
Funeral - Saturday 9/8/12
10am - 12pm
Meet at Boston Harborside Home of JS Waterman &
Son-Waring-Langone
580 Commercial St
Boston, MA

Burial Site: St. Joseph's Cemetery
990 Lagrange Street 
West Roxbury, MA 02132

Lunch following funeral services at:
China Pearl, 3rd Floor
9 Tyler Street, Boston, MA 02111
 

Mom passed away this morning at 10:25am. She struggled throughout the night trying to breathe. My Dad ended up going home as he couldn't handle the stress of just waiting for her to pass. We knew the end was coming around 7am as each breath was coming out slower.

We decided maybe it was better that Dad stayed home instead of coming back to the hospital to watch Mom take her last breath. He agreed and said he wanted to be there when she comes home to him. And that she would want him to be at home.

One of our family's closest friends came by to say goodbye, Aunt Betty. Not long after she arrived and spoke to Mom, Mom took her last breath. It was almost like Mom was waiting for her to come?! She was the last of Mom's circle of friends to show up. How fitting cos she was the closest to a sister for Mom. Also there were two of my uncles (Dad's side) and their wives - Rob & Mona, Dave & Judy. I actually tried to tell them not to come as I know it's hard to see Mom fighting to draw breaths esp now when it's near the end. But they came anyway to be there for me and my brother as well as to say goodbye. Thank you!! I thought I could handle it but I was wrong and am so happy they didn't listen :) Also my mom's nephew and his wife - Nancy & Brandon. Next to Norm and I, they were Mom's other "kids".  They stayed by Mom's side throughout and kept my Dad company as well.

We are busy making arrangements with funeral home and will post details once confirmed.

A big thanks to Dr. Marcoux and his wonderful team at the Dana Farber Cancer Institute. And also thanks to the awesome doctors and nurses at Brigham and Womens. Everyone at both hospitals made this process so much more bearable with their kindness, patience and compassion. I know my Mom was happy with the care she received. And she's super picky!

And last but not least, lots of love to all of my family and friends. I couldn't have done this without you all.

Signing off for now.