I went to see my psychic Saturday and she gave me an all-clear thumbs up. I saw her way back when in 2011 in which she predicted that someone who left would come back into my life. Something that I never would imagine to happen. Not in my wildest dreams!  And she was right. It came true.....

I never forgot that. And at my lowest point, I reached out to her in September 2014. At the time, everything felt so bleak, I felt dead inside. I won't say I was depressed, just getting by. Functioning as best as I can. She said my aura was black! But she told me there was a light at the end of the tunnel. She really helped me understand what was going on and how to deal. I won't go into details but it was very therapeutic for me. And it's not anything I haven't heard from friends and family. Nor anything I haven't thought of myself. But when it's coming from a stranger who doesn't have a stake in the game, it's very eye-opening. Plus there's an element of looking into the future and the whole crystal ball thing. Hey, don't judge! That session got me through that very dark period. Not only grieving my mom but also a relationship that I thought was my happily ever after. 

And now my "therapist" said I've come a long way from that time in 2014! My aura is no longer black. I'm hopeful again. Wow, can't believe it took so long to get to where I am. After a lot of realizations....and don't get me wrong, there are still tough moments. But life seems more manageable. I believe blogging helps as well. So thank you to all for continuing to read about my trials and tribulations. When the stats show "0" people viewing my blog, then I'll know it's time to stop. 

I'm not really a reflective person per se. It's hard for me to look into myself and figure shit out. Like who am I? What do I really want? This wasn't what I thought my life would end up being. I wanted so much out of life. I always thought my Mom would be there through the good and bad times. Thought i'd be married with a couple of kids. Hmmmm, that certainly didn't happen! Any regrets? I can't 100% say no, there are no regrets. But once again,  what's the use? 

I met and know some amazing people in my life. I've also met some not so amazing people. Alot of choices to have when choosing people you want in your life. I truly hope I've made some good decisions. But who's going to judge me and the choices I've made? I guess I can only say once again how very fortunate I am to have such great friends and family always supporting me. 

With that said, I really want to enjoy what life brings. I want to be open to new things and new friendships, As open as a mature woman trying not to be bitter and not let the bad experiences shape who I am and how I think. Is that even possible? Well, we'll have to see where this journey goes. 

One of the things I did for myself was to take my senior friends out to dim sum last Saturday. I met two new friends! It was really nice and I hope to continue doing it. I also visited my Mom. Now that it's getting warmer, it'll be weekly visits again. Back to my old routine....weird but I feel so at peace now. Not sure how it happened?

Met with a CEO of a small start-up company early this week. He was trying to recruit me to help with his aesthetics device company. One question he asked was what are my goals? CFO? And I said no way. I'm super content at where I am and have no aspirations to become a CFO. It was a real ego-booster, no doubt. But I have a really great gig now - two admin assts to help me, a short commute and total respect from my colleagues. I worked really hard in the last couple of years to help build this company and I need to see this through. It wouldn't be right to leave at this time. But it was still nice to know my skills are valued in this crazy industry! 

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We celebrated Por's birthday yesterday. It was nice and she was in good spirits for the most part. I think she was happy to see her family around her. I know I've said this before but I am so thankful of the support and love from my Chin family. We are so lucky that everyone gets along and actually looks forward to our get-togethers! 

Here are a few snapshots of our birthday girl!
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Glad to report that he made it back safely from China/Hong Kong. I try not to ask too many questions about what he did cos I really don't want to know! As long as he is home in one piece. 

Norm and I went to visit mom today. I also visited Por Por who is still asking the same questions. Dad is still in China and returning Wednesday. Trying to stay positive and happy but fuck how can I really? Even Norm told me that Mom wouldn't want us to feel sad. Which is true. I know that but....not sure how to deal in a way that doesn't come across as tragic and depressing. My Aunt Mona and Uncle Rob invited me for dinner tonight. They are the best and haven't wanted me to be alone on this day since Mom passed. 

She is with me every day, every second! I got a text from one of my co-workers who report to me as I'm blogging. And it said she knows today is hard for me but Happy (work) Mother's Day. It's because I lecture them like a mom. Seriously, that's the sweetest thing anyone has said to me. I tried not to cry today but that brought tears to my eyes. Ah yah....

I'm really ok, the day will be over soon and all will be well once again.

It's unseasonably cool and rainy here in Boston. And maybe that's why my mood is so somber. Or it could be that Mother's Day is coming up and another reminder that my Mom isn't here. I can see her smiling face and despite all of the shit she went through, she never became bitter nor resentful. I've also tried to live that way and not blame anyone for how my life turned out. Someone once told me about "defining moments" and how those moments can be a turning point in your life. 

I would say I've had more than my fair share of "defining moments" just in the last 5 years. I don't have any regrets....because even if I did, it's too late! I can't turn back and can only move forward. I pray that my Mom is looking out for me and guiding me towards the best life I can have. Plus making sure the people around me are honest, genuine, kind, loving and down-to-earth. What more can a girl ask for?