Mom had her CT scan yesterday and I thought I would discuss the results with Dr. Marcoux next Tuesday when we meet. But he called on my way home today and told me the tumors in her left lung grew and caused the lung to partially collapsed. That's what happened in HK so it wasn't the flu that caused my mom to stop breathing.  He spoke with the radiation oncology team and they all agreed my mom would benefit from radiation treatment. And they wanted to start on Monday!!! 

This was not the news I was hoping for. I think I took for granted at how well she's been doing. Chemo, the long flight to HK, the scary hospital stay, the flight back.....how much more can she take? She's still recovering from the flu and never mind the jet lag. She is so weak!! Ah yah...

But I have to face reality and realize the cancer may beat her after all. We were warned the cancer is fast-growing and will spread eventually. I really shouldn't be surprised.....After hanging up with the doctor, I started crying. This may be it cos who knows how much longer she can withstand the all-over nerve pain, coughing and trouble breathing. But I had to pull myself together so I can break the news to her and my Dad. 

And you know what?? When I broke the news, she said ok, let's do it. Of course, Dad didn't take the news well. But I can't worry about him. My main concern is Mom and it sounds like she's accepted her fate. And she's ok with it. Now I just have to do the same so I can be strong for her and my family.......

Rob and I picked them up at the airport today. Mom looks ok considering what she's gone through. Norm said Mom didn't eat all week while in the hospital so that's why she looks like she lost weight. Even Dad's belly looks like it shrank. It's good for him but not so good for Mom. But the most important thing is they're back, safe and sound.

I couldn't sleep last night cos I was so worried about their flight. I was up at 2am checking for any plane crash reports. Talk about morbid.....

First thing tomorrow am, I'll call her oncologist to see when she should start chemo again. Plus she probably needs to go in so Dr. Marcoux can assess her lungs as she is still wheezing. And apparently Dad also caught the bug and Mom is worried she'll catch it again from him. So I need to call his doctor to schedule an appointment as well. At least I feel comfortable with the healthcare here!

While Mom is recuperating, Norm has been trying to re-book their flights back to Boston. He was on the phone with them for 2 hours and even went to their offices. The earliest date they can re-book is for July 2nd. And not even sure Norm can come back with them. It would be an additional $1k. It's so ridiculous. Anyways, we contacted our travel agent in Boston and she was able to re-book it for Sunday 6/24!! Of course there were additional fees but Mom, Dad and Norm were already to come home. The hospital was thinking about discharging her Saturday. So it's going to work out after all.....although I'm still worried it may be too soon after being released from hospital. But knowing Mom, she's a tough cookie. A 15 hour plane ride is nothing compared to her stay in the hospital.

Talked to Mom twice today and she sounds much better. I asked who visited her and she said "Are you testing me? I haven't lost my mind yet and know what's going on!" I also asked about the cleanliness and conditions of the bathroom and stuff. She reassured me that someone is there to clean and change sheets. SHe did mention there were 2 women there that has the same symptons  that she experienced a few years ago, turning their heads and screaming about cramping. I asked her what she thought of them and she said she thinks they're a little cuckoo even though she used to do it. I told her she should tell the drs that those symptons stopped after she started taking Zoloft. But then again, look at where she's at now!

I talked to Norm and he said Mom is doing better. She's wearing an oxygen mask and breathing better. Says you can still hear the fluids in her lungs - sounds like water re-gurgitating. He spoke to drs and they said she will not be able to fly back Thursday as there wasn't enough oxygen on the plane for her. Based on the chest x-ray, she has an infection in her left lung which is where the tumor is. She is stable and is getting anti-biotics via an IV.

Norm says it's not necessary for me to go back as it looks like Mom is feeling better. I called her and she sounded horrible. SHe kept coughing but she also doesn't want me to go back. SHe is worried that I am doing too much here and wants me to take it easy. Can you believe that? She's in this crappy public hospital, in a ward of 20+ sick women and she's worried about me here in Boston?? SHe assures me that she is fine.....I don't believe her but what should I do?

So it's been almost 12 hours now. And Norm and Dad just tried to visit Mom (it's Tues am there) and was told to come back during visiting hours 6-8pm. They didn't speak to the doctors to see what the prognosis is. This is so fucked-up!!! So I called the hospital to speak with the doctor in charge of my mom's care. Sorry, the doctors are busy, I'm told. WTF!!! We are so spoiled here in the States!! Dr. Marcoux GAVE me his cell phone # so the drs in HK can call him!! Fat chance that's going to happen as they told me they will not be calling long distance! I told them my family needs to know what the diagnosis/plans are since they are scheduled to fly back Thursday. I think they knew I wasn't going to hang up until I was satisfied so they said they'll take a message for the doctor. Jeez!! I still wasn't clear about my mom's condition but I guess I have to wait until visiting hours or when and if they call Norm...question is still there, do I fly back???

I'm walking into the office and I get a call from Norm. He's calling from an ER in HK. Mom is being admitted with an infection and high fever. She was having trouble breathing and passed out in the apt. Thank goodness Norm was there! He called Uncle Desmond and they took her to the ER. Uncle Desmond was worried about admitting Mom to the public hospital and exposing her to all the "sick" folks there. But the hospital insisted she needed the medical attention.

I feel so helpless as I'm so far away! Should I fly back? Will she die and I won't have the opp to say goodbye? Who's there to manage her healthcare? They don't know all of her medical history including her current meds. But Norm, Dad and her 3 brothers are there and I have to trust they're going to do the right thing. Plus I enlisted Betty who I know and trust.  

I guess the goal now is to make sure she is stablilized. Let's see what tomorrow brings...a flight back? I need and want to be with mom....

Met with Pam, our nurse regarding mom's symptoms over the weekend - night sweats, nerve pain, and coughing. The cancer is probably causing the sweats and the radiation is causing her to cough more. Apparently, her potassium levels were really low when they checked it on 6/28. We are now waiting for her blood work to come back and if it's still the case, they will give her some fluids and potassium through an IV today.

One of our main concerns is hernerve pain which is all over her body mostly in her head and shoulders. The woman is a warrior in that she  can tolerate such pain on a daily basis. Where does she have the will to keep  fighting? Mom, you inspire me.....