Wow, I've just checked the stats for this site and there's still alot of people viewing it. Over 45 hits a few days ago....I guess I should continue the madness.
So much for my earlier post to "peace and happiness". This week has been hard as I cried myself to sleep every night. I miss her so damn much and not sure why it's hitting me so hard now, 4 months after her passing. Maybe it's because things have settled around me? Dad is going to his club every day. Norm and I chose Tuesdays to go to Dad's for dinner. So things are starting to become routine. I'm getting busier at work and just hanging out with my kitties.
But I keep re-living those moments of her drawing her last breath and of me and Norman standing in front of her casket at the gravesite. And how the finality of it all just killed me. I know this is so depressing for y'all to read....sorry.
Today a bunch of ATASK folks got together and celebrated Joyce's 50th bday! I was there but wasn't there....I was happy for Joyce but did not find any joy in being there. How can I find joy without my mom here? I would just settle for a little peace...happiness will come eventually. And I know my mom is looking down at me telling me to stop mourning her and to be happy. Have to find my way somehow....
So much for my earlier post to "peace and happiness". This week has been hard as I cried myself to sleep every night. I miss her so damn much and not sure why it's hitting me so hard now, 4 months after her passing. Maybe it's because things have settled around me? Dad is going to his club every day. Norm and I chose Tuesdays to go to Dad's for dinner. So things are starting to become routine. I'm getting busier at work and just hanging out with my kitties.
But I keep re-living those moments of her drawing her last breath and of me and Norman standing in front of her casket at the gravesite. And how the finality of it all just killed me. I know this is so depressing for y'all to read....sorry.
Today a bunch of ATASK folks got together and celebrated Joyce's 50th bday! I was there but wasn't there....I was happy for Joyce but did not find any joy in being there. How can I find joy without my mom here? I would just settle for a little peace...happiness will come eventually. And I know my mom is looking down at me telling me to stop mourning her and to be happy. Have to find my way somehow....
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