Today was a tough day for me. My best friend Chuck called to see how I was doing. And for the 1st time in a long, long time, I got really emotional. It was all I could do to keep it together as I was at work. But something triggered it - can't explain it. Maybe because Chuck knows me like nobody else and we've been through so much together. Alot of history and of course, he knows my mom. They worked together at his dad's restaurant about 30 years ago. Anyways, I couldn't shake the sorrow at the thought of losing my mom. But I had to put it aside as I was meeting my parents at MGH.
We met with her Neuropsychiatrist - this is the doctor that cured her of the head movements about 3 years ago. I updated him on her treatments and told him how a month ago she didn't want to do the radiation to her head. But ended up doing it more for my dad than for herself. And he point-blank asked her if she was ready to quit and die. To my surprise, she said no! She wasn't ready to quit and will wait until she gets the results from the CT scan next week to make a decision. Wow! She is still fighting despite the pain and other side effects from the head radiation.
While that is so amazing to hear, I barely held back the tears. Just knowing the pain she endures daily and she says that? Talk about being brave and tough....well, it was a beautiful night and I told her I would take her to satisfy her cravings of raw cherrystones. So I wheeled her over to Fanueil Hall and we watched some kids break-dancing. Mom was bopping her head, clapping and even cheered a few times. She said she really enjoyed it. Then we sat out and had dinner. Mom said she hasn't been to Fanueil Hall in years. See how happy she was eating her cherrystones!
We met with her Neuropsychiatrist - this is the doctor that cured her of the head movements about 3 years ago. I updated him on her treatments and told him how a month ago she didn't want to do the radiation to her head. But ended up doing it more for my dad than for herself. And he point-blank asked her if she was ready to quit and die. To my surprise, she said no! She wasn't ready to quit and will wait until she gets the results from the CT scan next week to make a decision. Wow! She is still fighting despite the pain and other side effects from the head radiation.
While that is so amazing to hear, I barely held back the tears. Just knowing the pain she endures daily and she says that? Talk about being brave and tough....well, it was a beautiful night and I told her I would take her to satisfy her cravings of raw cherrystones. So I wheeled her over to Fanueil Hall and we watched some kids break-dancing. Mom was bopping her head, clapping and even cheered a few times. She said she really enjoyed it. Then we sat out and had dinner. Mom said she hasn't been to Fanueil Hall in years. See how happy she was eating her cherrystones!
But after dropping her at home, I went home and got into bed. It was only 8pm but I couldn't deal. I cried until I couldn't cry any more. It's finally hitting me. I've been trying to be so strong for her and my family. I didn't realize I was holding all of this in. I know I'll be ok in time and that this is just the beginning. I need to learn from my mom cos she wouldn't want me to be like this. And she is depending on me to be strong so I can take care of her especially now when she needs me most. I guess I'll just take a long vacation after this is all over. Somewhere on the beach....
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