So I thought keeping busy and surrounding myself with friends and family would help. But honestly, it doesn't. It just masks what I'm really feeling until I'm home alone and let it all out. My poor cats don't know what to make of it.
I've learned that since her passing, I can barely feel any joy or happiness. And if I do, I feel guilty - does that make sense? And forget about any shit that happens - it's magnified a 1000x to the point that it's overwhelming sometimes. Pain, hurt & disappointment - you name it - makes me feel vulnerable and sad like I've never felt before.....don't get me wrong, I have a great support system but how can I add my burden to theirs? It wouldn't be fair and they have their own problems. Better that I deal with this on my own....
On a brighter note, I have to say without sounding too kooky, I do feel my Mom's presence sometimes. Is it comforting? I don't know how to handle it yet.
A friend told me the other day that she sees this underlying sadness in me.....Guess I'm not doing such a good job in keeping it together.
I've been watching all of the videos on this blog during the last couple of days. And I laugh and cry at the same time. She was special, no doubt about it.
In closing, I know this is normal - it's part of the grieving process. And I know I'll be alright....I'm sure in a year from now, I'll look back and read these posts and think I can't believe I wrote all of this!
And to my MOM - I LOVE AND MISS YOU SO MUCH!
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Archives
May 2022
AuthorI'm fortunate enough to have an awesome job at a biotech company. I'm also blessed to have the bestest of friends in the world - from Castle Square, ATASK, and Jamie Club - you know who you are! Last but not least, I have a family that are always there for me. Categories |